• 9Aug 08

  Who are you?

  I'm a fun kind hearted woman who has reached a point in her life where she appreciates living and those people that make life worth living.

  I'm totally the greatest person you'll ever meet. I'm award winning ugly, I'm like super intelligent, 111% completely certifiably insane but ever so innocent & adorably cute.

  I have no bad qualities whatsoever. I only spent about 20 years in and out of jail and it wasn't even my fault. The first time, I was 3 years old, can you blame me for orcastrating this amazing bank robbery that only went wrong because I hired the wrong crew.

  So anyway, I made probation when I was 5 and they let me down. I was just put outside in this huge world with absolutely no identity, no knowledge of the outside world, I became the only thing someone in my position could become, an artist.

  For a few years, it was going good. I was world renowned for "abstract" art. People would look at my paintings and say, "What a tormented mind" or "the creativity is outstanding".

  I didn't understand why, I would be flicking paint on the wall or paper, the back of peoples heads. My fame came to a point where police would no longer chase me for throwing a can of paint on the side of their squad cars.

  I would sell my "art" to people for cash, but at such a young age, I didn't know how to handle money, so I ended up gambling my million dollar empire on the stock market, made billions and then sold it all for a bag of cheetos and a lolly.

  Then the worst thing happened, I was arrested again and again it wasn't my fault. I was young and ugly, how did I know you needed money to buy things, besides I honestly believe the shop said, "Open store policy" in other words, you go in take what you want and leave.

  If I was to tell you my entire history, I wouldn't be able to write a book and make millions (I know the value of money now) so any questions, feel free to ask.

  • Posted Aug 9, 2008 12:15 pm PT
  • Category: People
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• 8Jun 08

  An insight into achievement gamers....

  THE SINGLE PLAYER
  

  INT: BLOCKBUSTER VIDEOSTORE - DAY

  A store clerk is sitting behind his counter reading a magazine. The store has its usual cliental, mothers and their children picking up the latest kid movie, old age guys looking for action movies with semi clad women, and the average 40 year old sneaking into the "Over 18" section hoping no one sees him.

  Nathan Samuel's, a 30 something year old guy picks up the Teenage Mutant Ninja turtles and walks over to the clerk. The clerk eyes him up and down, trying to get a feel for the guy's intentions.

  CLERK

  So... you got a kid?

  NATHAN

  Huh? what makes you ask that?

  CLERK

  Well... it's a kid's game, a shoddy one at that.

  You know the kind, riding off the movie's hype.

  NATHAN

  Yeah, but there are achievements.

  The clerk chuckles, Nathan looks at him with a blank slate across his face.

  CLERK

  You're one of those kind of gamers?

  NATHAN
  

  Hey man... achievements are the future

  and there are like a thousand points in like 4 hours dude.

  I totally googled it.

  CLERK

  But come on man, renting or buying a game just for the achievements,

  all you're doing is promoting trash.

  It's reaching a point where designers are saying,

  "Hell let's develop crap and put in some achievements" and

  market it with the slogan... "5 hours and 1000 gamer points up"

  NATHAN

  4 hours dude, that's what Google said.

  CLERK

  Whatever dude, take the game and get out.

  NATHAN

  Oh can you keep Fuzion Frenzy 2 in for me, that's like another 1000 points man.

  THE ONLINE PLAYER

  19 year old Candice Begley is sitting down at her TV playing hosting a game of Rainbow Six Vegas in the Casino. There are 11 people inside her room and all chatting amongst one another.

  CANDICE

  Okay... will everyone like, shut up! I am talking here.

  The room quietens down.

  CANDICE

  Thank You. Okay hi, I'm Candice, I'm like totally hosting this game

  which makes me totally in control.

  So if I don't like you or you don't do what I tell you, I'll like totally boot you.

  MALE GAMER

  Whoa, you're a girl?

  CANDICE

  Uhhh yeah, like totally. So anyway, I'm like a really good host.

  MALE GAMER 2

  Come on man, let's play!

  CANDICE

  Like shut up! I am like talking, have some respect!

  MALE GAMER 2

  Sorry.

  CANDICE

  Apology like totally accepted. So anyway, we're totally gonna have a good time.

  There is this achievement in the game which is like totally worth 10 gamer points.

  GAMER 3

  Which one is it?

  CANDICE

  We have to totally kill each other 100 times with pistols only.

  So I'm like totally thinking, there are 11 of us, so I would like you guys

  to line up next to one another so I can shoot you over and over again till

  I get the achievement and then it's your turn and we take turns each till we get it.

  GAMER 4

  Oh come on! How many matches are pistols only? This is the 3rd in the row.

  CANDICE

  Shut up! I am like totally talking here.

  GAMER 4

  What happened to earning the achievement, hence called an achievement!

  CANDICE

  Hey I do earn it! I have to host a game, find 10 people who I don't even like,

  convince them to stand still and let me shoot them and then dump

  them after I get my achievement!

  GAMER 4

  Oh yeah, that's really achieving something.

  GAMER 5

  Whoa...you're going to just dump us after you get the achievement?

  GAMER 6

  Yeah, you're not even going to help?

  CANDICE

  Oh come on, do you know how long it would take if we were to take turns,

  especially with the 10 second respawn. It would take like totally forever.

  GAMER 4

  You're pathetic!

  CANDICE

  Oh My God, I can't believe you totally said that.

  I'm so totally gonna boot you. I'm so totally looking up your gamertag

  and getting ready to boot you!

  GAMER 7

  He's already left.

  CANDICE

  ...Oh I am so totally gonna file a complaint against that guy... for cheating!

  • Posted Jun 8, 2008 4:31 pm PT
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• 30Apr 08

  My PSP opinion...

  Well... at first glance, it's sexy as hell, sleek and curvy, shiny in all the right places. The box packaging is terrible mind you, so bland and non descript, hardly tells you anything about the handheld at all. Perhaps it's Sony's delusional thinking that anything with Sony attached to it, everyone is going to know its features.

  Anyhow, before my spending bug, I knew very little about the PSP aside from the fact that it has a few decent games and there are a few coming, namely Crisis Core and the remake of Final Fantasy VII (Yes, it's happening, so blatently obvious)

  So... back to the plot (It really is coming, rest assured, the fans demand it) so I get home with my new shiny PSP and sit on my living room floor and carefully peel away at the box, trying to open it without tearing (Had no luck) I empty the contents and upwrap my PSP and stare at it.

  I investigate the handheld... not too big nor is it to heavy... what I presumed was the speaker, turned out to be the anologue stick (Yes, I am not joking) The screen is larger than I had imagined and OH SO SHINY.

  I slip the battery into the PSP and then plug it into the mains and turn it on. The menu options are superb and easy to understand, within ten minutes, I was online with it and updating it, installing everything, including skype and the internet radio which is kinda cool.

  I spent the next hour or so playing about with it, seeing what is where and getting it registered on the Sony website and downloading demos and clips for it... not an easy thing to do actually, quite a hard site to navigate around. I spent the better part of the day downloading clips and watching some comedy clips, playing a little Final Fantasy and GTA...and later during the evening, discovered the more finer aspects, namely... the ability to watch movies on the PSP, and it's a very capable MP3 player as well...

  Overall, I am extremely delighted with my purchase. It's great when I'm traveling, because I can watch my Stargate and Star Trek on the move and play the occasional GTA. The only thing I'm slightly disapointed with is the analogue stick, perhaps it's something I just need to get used to.

  • Posted Apr 30, 2008 3:24 pm PT
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