Resident Fan-Service

I believe in the "Nipponese" "culture" they have what they call "fan-service" this is quite simply soft-core (or as we shall find out in this article sometimes hardcore pornography). Now, I could understand there being pornography in Hentai as Hentai is in fact pornography so it would only make sense, and in live-action films it would make sense! I mean I think everyone has a soft (or should I say hard) spot for those Japanese women who look just young enough to be a virgin but just old enough for you not to get arrested! (unlike those god damn "Chibi" abominations, if those were made over here whoever watched those with a hand down his pants would be arrested for child pornography possession and whoever made them would be arrested for paedophilia!)

But, I never expected to see such a thing in a video game!

Japanese Chibi styIe animation. Note that the female characters have breasts but otherwise appear very child-like.

A Japanese woman conviniently placed next to a child. Notice how youthful the woman looks but is still clearly over the age of consent.

Ah, the harmless, innocent video game. Once the sweet and innocent escape for children that has, as they themselves have grown, evolved into violent games played in the basements where 40 year old men live stewing in their own juices underneath their parents who bend backwards over for their every whim! Those who have no chance of going out, getting laid, having children, and contributing something to society. So I suppose I should not find it so surprising to find pornography in a videogame as pornography is their second favourite pass time (behind pornography.)

Ashley Grahame: President's Daughter or sexually abused teenager suffering Stockholm Syndrome?

But it is there, and oh dear is it graphic!
I was playing "Resident Evil 4" and if you haven't heard about it, it has come under some criticism in my previous blogs. Now, I know I touched on the perversion found in the game but I did not ever expect to find full-blown pornography! Ah, but as the hapless Ashley found herself running around with nothing but a torch too defend herself I found things to be going down hill (and something in the 40 year old virgin's pants to be going uphill). The game forced you to crawl under a table so that you had no choice but to see a very graphic shot of her white underpants. As arousing as this might have been I was disgusted and as it was forced I felt a little violated!

Artist's recreation

But it didn't end there! Oh, no in fact it got far, far worse. As Leon was running around a church mercilessly slaughtering god-fearing clergymen he came across his bum-buddy: Luis Sera a self professed ladies man and bottom-bandit. He told Leon he had the serum (more commonly known as semen) right here.

"Ladies Man" Luis Sera with back ache which was most likely caused by him being a "Ladyman."

Leon un-zipped his pants but before he could add to the "serum" (the serum is meant to cure some mind control virus! Which clearly implies that the churches are controlling everyone's mind and that the only way to break free from their control is to become a "homosexual") the bishop appeared. From underneath his skirt (yes, a man wearing a skirt!) a giant (though, miniscule when compared to my manhood) penis appeared. It then was thrust through Luis Sera's chest and blood was ejaculated everywhere. Luis groaned completely satisfied, he was dropped to the ground and the wound though pleasurable was entirely fatal. The penis (just so we could be sure of what it was) was then thrust back underneath his skirt and disappeared.Now this can only mean one thing. This entire section of the game was all some disgusting metaphor for the alleged paedophilia supposedly rampant in the Catholic Church. Upon considering this I have come to the conclusion that the bishop is in fact the pope. And as Luis Sera was such a ladies-man he clearly symbolises the left-wing leader of the world: Bono.

The Pope: sex crazed paedophile or man of god?

The Liberal Leader: Bono with one of his many mistresses.

This also adds another interesting angle to the section where Ashley is able to defend herself against hormone ridden Spaniards, when if she was a real woman (without a man to protect her) she would have simply been killed. Still, Ashley and Leon have managed to keep her virginity (a very un-liberal thing to do) in tact and her "egg" has not yet been "fertilised". Ah, but this does not stop Leon from virtually raping her (a very liberal thing to do)! I was typing out my trials and tribulations on one of the many handy typewriters (handy as they may be, typewriter's have been historically used to spread evil propaganda. The Nazi's propaganda for example was all created on typewriters) when I heard something behind me. Naturally I spun around and pointed my gun at whatever it was but it was only Ashley who was licking her lips. She then ducked down and as I looked down I heard the zzz of a zip and her head began rocking backwards and forwards. So clearly it is just her virginity that Leon cares about as he has completely disregarded the poor girl's innocence.

Nazi Propaganda created on a typewriter.

I can not, in words describe how disgusted (and a little aroused) I was. When he forced her at gun-point to sexually pleasure him with her mouth! Things somehow got worse (and I may have told you about this before) but after he had felt the pleasure of her mouth he wanted more but whenever he spun around she would run away. Clearly she would not be violated in such a violent way again… so what did he do? He shot her and then simply knelt down on top of her and pleasured himself in her dead mouth! He also exclaimed "Oh! Ashley," but before he could add "I wonder if she can swallow when she'd dead?" the screen cut to "you are dead, as Ashley gives Leon head."

After losing his little sex-slaveyet again, (who still harbours some attachment to him and must surely be suffering from Stockholm Syndrome: even after all his sexual abuse when she was carried off by the clergymen to try and save her soul after it had been dirtied by him she still screamed: "Leon! Help me!" and Leon replied, "I'm coming for you Ashley!" And then he whispered to himself under his breath: "and soon I'll be coming in you!") He came across a giant statue of a midget. Are they trying to imply that a midget's small height does not mean that they are any less of a person than we are? Please Capcom! Until I see a midget playing Santa Clause instead of an Elf they'll always been nothing but cheap-expandable labour.

A Midget or to use the PC term: an "Elf".

After the statue had run like a fully grown "tall statured person" he came across a huge tower containing Ashley and the midget at the top. The tower was shaped like a long round shaft clearly symbolising a penis and trying to add some weight to the myth that Midget's penises are not in proportion to the pathetic size of their bodies. Let me tell you, if they weren't you would see them in their tiny little tight velvet green pants, though to be fair to them it is very cold in The North Pole.

A "Tall-Statured Person" running.

Leon tirelessly climbed the statue and at the top after being sexually molested by the flasher who said: "Stranger. Stranger. Now THAT'S a weapon!" and gave him a Rocket Launcher in exchange for the pleasure that only Leon could give him he found the midget. The midget told him that the "ritual" AKA rape had taken place and that the egg had most likely been fertilised (most likely as whoever it was who had done it might have had a low sperm-count). Leon simply laughed as a giant fleshy appendage devoured the midget. "Heh, another monster? Guess there'll be one less too worry about!" he said to himself. Did he just call Ashley's virginity a monster?

Ramon Salazer. Note a disturbing similarity between him and the Pope.

And indeed the next part was the most disturbing thing I have seen in a video game ever. An interactive sex scene with something half-way between a penis and a vagina Leon had to shoot ( or rub with his combat or "cockbat" knife) a little eye on the end of a long penis until Salazar the midget (a metaphor for the vagina was exposed at which point the player was required to shoot Salazer until he "came" after "peaking" the Midget died and Leon had one less virginity to worry about! Now, I know it's naive of me to assume that the midget was a virgin but who the hell is going to have sex with an ugly little midget?

An Italian's architectual interpitation of male genitalia.

Leon then rode a lift down the tower afterjust climbing the damn thing! Couldn't he have rode the damn lift up and saved us twenty minutes? But I suppose it could be argued that he and the tower were symbolising the rise, ejaculation and fall of an erection. He then scrambled into the back of a boat with Ada Wong. Wong is a name quite close to Wang but thankfully as they were flying around the sea and Leon was about to show her what a "real seaman" was she swerved the boat and crashed. But as she climbed up the cliff he stared up her skirt (though thankfully the game did no treat us to a lovely view of her exposed behind!).

God knows what awaits me on this island!