• 28Oct 08

  Bond!

  Having getting hyped for the new bond by reading the excellent Bonding With Bond series over at Rottentomato, I thought I would rank my personal favorite Bonds.

  6: Timothy Dalton - While Dalton had plenty of veneer as a killer and cold blooded assassin, his acting was always just awful (especially him with the ladies). It didn't help that Dalton's movies were stupid beyond reason, but lacking any kind of ability to play Bond is certainly the main reason why I consider Dalton the worst Bond to ever grace the screen (excluding David Niven from the 67 Paraody of Casino Royale).

  5: Roger Moore - Roger Moore was a skilled actor, but well beyond his prime for the character of Bond. Moore was a remarkable 46 when he starred in his first Bond film, which is just way too old to be believable as a suave, sexy secret agent. Some of Moore's films are also just the simple worst of the series (Man with the Golden Gun, to name just one). Regardless if his films are harder to watch than Dalton's, Moore still did also make one of the best in the series, which does redeem him a bit.

  4: George Lazenby - Lazenby is the most underrated Bond next to Brosnan. While Lazenby only got to star in one Bond film, can you blame him for escaping the series? Look at all the Moore films and just try to think of how Lazenby could have even pulled half of that crap off. What gives Lazenby an edge (even over Connery) is that he had martial arts training from Bruce Lee, so his action scenes and stunts were all performed by him. His film also features the first true romance of the Bond character on film, which is a definite plus for a character like Bond.

  3: Pierce Brosnan - Brosnan had everything in his acting ability to be the best Bond ever, he just lacked writers writers. While Goldeneye is one of my personal favorite Bond films (I actually rank it number 3), every subsequent movie is just bad. Brosnan had the suave veneer of the Connery era with the incredible action sorely lacking from the series to that point (1995). Brosnan also brought a bit more personal depth to the character, though he lost it through the decline of the series in the 90's and early 2000's. This is sad, too, since Brosnan is just such a fun actor to watch.

  2: Daniel Craig - Craig may be the best Bond, but we need more films to see (Lazenby get's an exception since he only had one film). Regardless, his portrayal of the character in Casino Royale was the most emotionally depth filled since Lazenby's movie. While critics had called him cold and brutal (which is absolutely true), I saw a softer side to Bond. His love interest (which is the first in the actual novels)is stunning and beautiful, not to mention extremely troubled and emotionally scarred. We get to see Bond cradling her in a shower while she breaks down in tears, something you would never expect out of Bond from the Connery era (unless that cradling led to hot sex).

  1: Sean Conney - Regardless of Craig's emotional and strong Bond, Connery still takes the lead for me. He started the franchise and kept the character of Bond powerful and suave for 5 entries consecutively (Connery had dropped the role after the 5th, but was paid to come back for the 7th after Lazenby left). Connery also acts in the best film of the series (Goldfinger) and not one of his series movie comes off as silly or stupid (though parts do exist). Connery also got lots and lots of attractive ladies to switch their morales simply by sleeping with them. That is definitely power!

  I obviously put Conney at the top, but I do believe that if Craig can keep his streak of Bond films going, then he will be the best bond on screen (just like Heath Ledger stole the image and roll of the Joker from Jack Nicholson's portrayal).

  • Posted Oct 28, 2008 9:27 pm PT
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• 3Sep 08

  Metallica (I suppose)

  With the new album coming next week (which may or may not be a disaster), I began to search for some videos by the band. I found their new single, which can be found right here: The Day That Never Comes

  While browsing through the selection, I noticed almost all of the videos were of miserable songs that Metallica has done. Disregarding every song off of the Black album, I compiled a list of the worst Metallica songs with videos (just for fun). I thought I would share them with you, just as a way to feel that I didn't waste my life watching every single one of these atrocities.

  So, here is the list in order of Least Worst to Just Plain Awful.
  
  13: No Leaf Clover

  12: Some Kind of Monster

  11: Whiskey in the Jar

  10: Hero of the Day

  9: King Nothing

  8: Until it Sleeps

  7: Unforgiven 2

  6: St. Anger

  5: Frantic

  4: The Unnamed Feeling

  3: I Disappear

  2: The Memory Remains

  and 1: Fuel

  I can honestly say, after Number 8, they all just get ridiculously bad. It almost pains me to listen to them, but I did just to make this list for you guys. Isn't that wonderful? If you don't mind, I need to go searching for that pistol I left in my house.

  • Posted Sep 3, 2008 7:53 pm PT
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• 20Aug 08

  I May just be Too Human

  My first actual article on here that won't relate to my game playing. Anyway, this is all about Too Human and my opinions on it. I will also talk a bit about game reviewing and some personal things that have come to my attention. Do not take this as a review, because I'm not doing that here. You may enjoy Too Human, but I just want to point out things I see wrong with it.

  First in order is some Too Human bashing. If anything, I think the current state of reviews are too forgiving. This game has been in development for over 10 years. The fact that this game isn't a masterpiece means it shouldn't be worth your time for that reason alone. You also get a ridiculous control scheme that went out when camera control became essential to game playing. The only time I've ever seen dual analog work in a game is with something like Geometry Wars or Ape Escape (Not to mention Ape Escape 3 and so forth suffered because of their lack of camera control).The whole dynamic cutscene thing is jarring, too. I know that it's supposed to be a way of making you feel like you are controlling a movie, but why is it never explained. Playing the demo, I wasn't even sure if I was supposed to move or just wait, but then my friend enlightened me to it's existence.

  The loot drops seem like a cool idea, until you realize that it happens on every single enemy. There will eventually have to be a point where you have armour so good that a small increase would make no difference. The game won't stop giving you armour, though, so you're going to have to deal with a loaded inventory. I've also seen videos where, further into the game, you are still battling the same creatures. That is just superb, what better way to bring down an RPG then to have you face the same creatures over and over. Wait, I know a better way, scale the battles. That's right, Too Human has scaled battles. Are you too low of a level? Don't worry, Too Human will make you win! While your level may be always on top, your health might not. None of the classes except Bio-Engineer can heal, so you eventually will have to die. This wouldn't be that big of an issue in the game (since it automatically brings you back) if you could skip the death cutscene. It's cool the first time you see it, but once you die around 500 times, I would assume the charm wears off.

  I cannot say much for the story (since I have not played the game enough to care), but mixing Norse Gods with Cyberpunk technology is idiotic at best. Just think of a world where enemies can carry blasters but you are left with a sword. It's like turn of the century crap that killed the Samurai. There is no plausible way to explain why someone would prefer to use a sword over a gun, either. It doesn't help that the guns are so generic and have some auto-lock on ability. You just hold down the button and fire away. It takes any of the thinking out of battle. An RPG without a good battle system is already DOA. It could be salvaged if the melee weren't mapped to the control stick! Why, oh why is the melee on the control stick?! You tilt it forward but you end up swinging to the left. Then, because of the auto-lock on from the guns, your character gets stuck on an enemy and just flies towards them when you swing the stick. It ends up playing like an idiotic version of Diablo.

  Enough about Too Human, though. I can go on for awhile about how I hate it, but I want to address one final thing. I've been hanging around a kid who enjoys RPGs a little too much. He sits there and talks about how games like Legend of Dragoon were under rated. He also tried to explain to me how the combo system in that differentiated it from Final Fantasy. I can understand he enjoys RPGs, but to say the one change in a game like Legend of Dragoon makes it different is just stupid. Everything about that game is Final Fantasy, except not done to the same polish or even depth of the said titles. Just because he plays RPGs, though, he assumes his opinion is fact. This whole rant is about how gamers need to step down every now and then. I guess I am sitting here trying to explain how I am right, but my point is that, just because you play a certain genre doesn't mean everything in that genre is amazing. You need to look at things critically for once and know when a game is actually bad. I don't play every shooter and call it a masterpiece, such like people shouldn't assume every RPG is a masterpiece.

  Another thing, don't take all critics seriously. While I haven't seen a game in a long time get panned by critics without deserving it, not every single low rated game is bad. Also, not every high rated game is superb. We all need to be our own critics, but when game designers make ridiculous choices (such with Too Human), you have to realize that critics are just there pointing out blemishes.

  • Posted Aug 20, 2008 2:52 pm PT
  • Category: Editorial
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