All About RoseFlambe169
Rather than the usual boring status update blog, I thought I'd share this really awesome dream I had this morning. It's still very long, and I'm probably going to have a lot of run-on sentences and boring description bits. If you can forgive that, I think the concept is really cool. It took me about eight minutes to read through, so if you have the time. Let me know if you like it better than the usual, 'cause I have a lot of these warped dreams and would be only too happy to share. Strangely enough, before I went to sleep I was thinking: I'm not afraid of the dark; I'm just afraid of what's in the dark.
It opened like a first person game would. I couldn't see my eyelashes when I blinked or the tip of my nose, but I could feel myself in the game, feel a gun in my hand and stretching up my arm. There was a man in front of me. Fairly old, white hair and wrinkles, yet bulky in his black trench coat and standing tall. He spoke to me and mysteriously told me to follow him; that I would have to learn the ropes as I went. In my head was another voice. A memory of some random game reviewer informing his audience that the game I was playing introduced the controls poorly and that I would be constantly trying to figure new ones out. However if I could bear with it, I would be rewarded for my trouble.
I was in a dark, metallic, T-shaped corridor, dimly lit by some black light within the metal. There was a switch in front of me, and a path on either side of the switch. The path to the right turned a corner, with a switch and a door before the turn. The man took the path to the left which led straight to a door with another switch to its right. Since there was a gun on my arm that seemed to have unlimited ammo that I also didn't know how to use, I decided to try it out before anything else.
As the man disappeared behind the shiny, black, mechanical sliding door to the left, I turned to the right, aimed for the switch on that side and took a shot. The bullet bounced with the most amazing audio effects I had ever heard, leaving the corridor vibrating around me. The man popped his head out from behind the door and told me in a stern, yet mechanical voice, "Come now, we don't have time for that." Slightly embarrassed and imparted with a new sense of urgency to continue, I pulled the switch in front of me. It opened the door the man had gone through, and I ran inside in the bouncy way first person characters run.
I was now in a dimly lit spiral stairwell, but it was less metallic. More hotel-like. The man was walking down the stairs and I hurried after. As it turns out, we were in a hotel. A more friendly environment, and as well-lit as this dream was going to get with minimal electric lighting, a glass wall, and gray sky. I was then handed off to someone I recognized as a P.E. teacher and the locker room lady from my high school in real life. She looked at me skeptically, but tried to be pleasant as she informed me I would be staying at this hotel, and it would also be where my journey begins (in the lobby) and ends (on the top floor). She introduced me to my real mother and brother, also my mother and brother in the game. They were to assist me throughout my "trials". With a glare, she left me to them.
My mom was my mom. She scoffed and left me with my brother to go do whatever it is she does. (Though now that I think about it, she was probably "assisting" me by getting ready for an appearance on one of the higher floors as a trial.) My brother on the other hand, the loyal dog he is, vowed to help me in any way he could. At first I worried about having to protect him, but I was glad for his company once I figured out that the horrors in the hotel were only meant for me.
I went up the carpeted stairs to the first floor. (The lobby didn't count.) A horde of lightly glowing zombies crowding the pitch black hallway in front of me flashed before my eyes, until my brother was behind me and could see down the hallway. At which point, the hallway returned to its normal friendly demeanor. I had jumped and almost screamed. Almost. My brother asked if I was alright, and we went on.
There was an open door to my left. It looked to be a hotel room, lit by two dull yellow bulbs on the ceiling. I could see the tiled bathroom, but the open door was blocking the rest of the room. It seemed to beckon me in, so I went all the way in. I saw my reflection in the door-sized mirror to my left, but nothing happened. I looked back and saw my brother looking in after me at the door. Figuring out what I had to do and cocking my gun, I mentally prepared myself to fight off a zombie horde and politely asked my brother to wait around the corner for me. No sort of zombie horde was gunna catch me off-guard this time.
Unfortunately, the thing waiting for me was decidedly worse than a horde of zombies. My reflection in the mirror changed to one of me in...less than desirable garb. This time, I did scream. My reflection and I both screamed and fell back in horror, almost cracking our skulls on the marble sinks. I knew I wasn't wearing what my reflection was because it didn't have a gun, and I heard mine clatter to the ground. Still, I was pretty freaked out. My brother came running, and the image disappeared. I realized that if every level was going to be like this - finding things that REALLY scared me, this was going to be the craziest horror game I'd ever played.
After the encounter with my reflection is a blur, but I remember my former P.E. teacher/hotel attendant being quite cross with me for screaming. Anyway, at some point I went outside. There were two people waiting at the hotel bus stop, both looking pained and neither sitting on the crimson-painted wooden bench. I asked the one closest to me what was troubling him, and found that I could only get him to spill with certain responses. But boy was it a spill.
In the game I was playing, apparently I wasn't the only one with fears. Other people had fears too. Usually not monsters, but instead deep, dark secrets unique to each NPC. If I could go into their fears and defeat them, the person would smile and the world would become brighter, making my own fears easier to confront. It was a really great game. A terrifying dream. If I could choose a name for it, I would call it Hotel Horror.
As surprised as I am at myself for not having typed one of these in so long, considering how much I love to type, now seems like a good time to mention that I've been accepted into the University of Colorado at Colorado Springs. I feel this is important information (more so to myself than anyone else) because it is my final decision and I have accepted the acceptance, despite whatever I was blathering about in my blog before last. Am I excited? I might have been, if it weren't for the feeling of impending doom that I have.
I have kept Computer Science as my intended major and, if anyone cares on a slightly related note, started and finished taking classes at a local community college while trudging through high school. However, something is awry in Wonderland. I'm not feeling it. It? Forgive me, that feeling of intense determination. That I have a dream and nothing will stop me! It's not there.
I'm going to begin a descriptive chain of events/thoughts, so prepare yourself reader. I believe it began when I decided to join my high school's Math League. I joined because I needed some form of work or study since my high school classes were, and continue to be, a joke. Also, I figured I could prove myself to myself, and that I would need a little touch up in math anyways since math goes hand-in-hand with my major. Much to my dismay, the training made me miserable.
I had passed all of the required math classes at my school and to avoid being stuck with kids from my class in Trigonometry/Pre-Calculus, I took Probability and Statistics with the class a year above me. Trigonometry was actually a serious class, and much more so than compared the the Prob. & Stats. joke I took. What I mean to say is that I wasn't learning math in school while I was in Math League. In any case, it had been so long since I'd taken a real math class, that I had forgotten everything including some of the Algebra I basics. It was not only embarassing that I couldn't do the math, but a blow to my self-esteem that re-learning the rules didn't come to me easily. That was last school year, and it's gone downhill from there.
Since 10th grade or so I've had a flexible rule in place: That if I have any outstanding homework, I am not allowed to touch a game until the homework is finished. Initially, this was to motivate me. A reward system, if you will. I finish, I'm allowed to play. Over time, this rule left a void in me. I only allowed myself to play for the short periods of time school was on break or when I had finished everything (rarely and briefly). I opted to make an attempt at filling the void by watching TV and movies, things that I could somewhat enjoy without having to stop doing my homework. Unfortunately, this left me in the horrifying state that I am in now.
Before that, my second dilemma: Earlier this year I took the placement test for the community college I attended. Almost perfect on the reading and writing, but I scored 58 out of 100 on the math part that had a cap of Algerba II since it was the last vaild math course I had taken in the past two years. When I go to Colorado, they expect me to pass three levels of Calculus. How am I supposed to do that if I can't even pass a basic Algebra II exam?
It is currently Winter Break and I find myself having to re-introduce gaming into my life. Feeling so disconnected from and unfamiliar with something I know I love is one of the worst feelings I've ever had. But it gets worse. When I think back on it, I wasn't one of the best in my former math classes because I was good at it. Rather, because everyone else pretended to be so bad at it that the lowered standards were too easy for anyone who did try. Moreover, after Math League I realized that I don't even enjoy math! What I do enjoy...complicates things.
English. As much as I hate the history behind how English got to be a well-known and used lanaguge, I can't deny that I enjoy it. I enjoy being able to freely write, type, edit, and learn new things to better my vocabulary and grammar. There is also another art that I enjoy, but that may be a forbidden fruit to me in terms of perfecting. So I have come to the conclusion that if I am not exceptional at and do not like math or science, and if I enjoy and may be somewhat good at the arts, I may very well end up miserable trying to complete a Bachelor's in science.
So I feel like the more steps I take towards my goal of building a video game empire in my future home and living in one as my career, the farther away I actually am from achieving that goal. Like, you know how airports have conveyor belts that transport people? I feel like I'm someone who can't run or speed-walk and beat the conveyor belt, on one going in the opposite direction I'm walking.
When I think about it even more, I hear stories all of the time about people not doing their homework or not showing up to work because they're playing a game. I hear stories of successful people who didn't do well in high school or may not even have needed to go to college. Dedicated people who are interested in science and innovation and who can make time to play that new game no matter what's on their schedule. I'm not any of those people. I take just two community college courses, and I practically stop playing for four months straight. If I ever thought I was going to survive, much less enjoy, an onslaught of math and science courses at a real university for this Computer Science degree that I'm not truly passionate about, I must have been out of my mind.
So that, dear readers, is why I am not so excited to be running off to college with my Computer Science major. Why don't I just change my major? Believe me, I have reasons, but for the sake of closing this up I won't go into detail. In other news, one of those void-filling TV shows turned out to be Once Upon a Time on ABC. I don't actually know when or where it airs, but I've been watching it online and have found it most satisfying. That might just be because I like fairy tales, but either way I figure it a good show. Now then! Forgive me for jumping around so much, thank you for reading, and please do enjoy your holidays. Ja, mata!
Yes! It has finally been accomplished. For the first time ever I am actually typing, on the Internet, in my own room. I can hardly believe it myself, but I got the router in with few problems. It's hard to believe all the things that I can now use to connect to the Internet, albeit limited to this house. Not like I go anywhere else ona typical day though.
So now all I have to do is transfer all of my files to this laptop and it could actually be considered my own computer. Not one I would choose of course, but hey, it's a start and I shouldn't be complaining. At the moment I'm debating trying to install World of Warcraft on it. There's another game I already have on here, FATE, and it works fine. I dunno though. Aside from FATE, the computer actually seems pretty slow. I think I should leave the games to the Mac for now and wait 'til I have an actual PC to do anything else.
As well as the router I also got a new headset, I have no idea how that's gunna work. The last time I tried to use one either I totally messed up or the thing wasn't working. Best hopes for that. In any case, now that I've got the excitement over that out, I'll start the status update. It has been months...but with all the blogs that have been coming out I don't think anyone minds.
It is summer, I think the last time I posted one of these things was winter... My hopes for the dead unions coming back to life over the summer have been squashed. Oh well. I suppose people have better things to do than hang around in slow forums. I've actually been pretty busy myself. I guess school isn't the only thing that occupies the time of one's life.I am certainly happy that's done and over with though. Can't wait for next year. If all goes well, it should be much much better. ^_^Ah, and I have one last thing to mention before it happens.
July. Going on a trip to Japan. Homestay, going to be gone for a month. I think the plane officially leaves July 2nd, no idea when it comes back, it should be just before the start of August. I know, I'm lucky, not many people get to do this... My idea is it's a ploy to get me out of the house. I mean, not that I like being in the house anyway, ahh, I dunno. Ahem, so...
I might be gone. For a month. I have absolutely no idea what's going to happen over there, and I'm a little down on vocabulary so I'm totally scared I'm going to use the wrong word and offend someone. It seems quite likely, knowing me and my history of messing things up. If I do somehow obtain a connection to the Internet while I'm there, I'll most likely be back here to say hello. My little idea of Japan is that it's half country and have electronic wonderland. I'll see. Take pictures. Why does everyone want pictures? I don't like taking pictures.
That's just about it for now. There are many things I feel like saying since I'm so used to talking to myself, but for now I think I've said enough. I hope I didn't get anybody angry with my tone. In other news, how is everyone doing? I haven't really been visiting blogs for a long time, so much to do... Sorry! Speaking of which, gotta be ready for work in a few minutes. Gosh, what is it with old people and early mornings? -.- Bah, laters!
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