• 11Sep 08

  Hmm...

  Well.. today I REALLY wanted to write something pertaining to 9/11, but my mind has been so dead when it comes close to anything about writing, so I had to drop that. And I also planned on blogging about my recent troubles, but I've realized they're not a big deal anymore and they aren't a nuisance at the moment. Plus, reading a comment someone made on one of my blogs opened my eyes a bit more as to why I sometimes get so hurt by people.

  Anyway... I took the time to read some of my past blogs and I've realized that I've been completing a few of my goals for '08 without realizing it. Like posting more in unions, redownloading GIMP (and even getting my hands on Photoshop...), creating some of my own pieces of work with GIMP/PS, and the biggest one - watching more anime. I've watched SO much anime in the past few months. Here's a list of all the anime I've seen so far.

  -Naruto/Naruto Shippuuden
  -Soul Eater
  -Fate/stay night
  -Inuyasha (just a bit. not my favorite, tbh)
  -Dragonball/Z/GT
  -Yu Yu Hakusho
  -The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya
  -Rurouni Kenshin
  -Devil May Cry (just half of the subbed episodes)
  -Full Metal Alchemist (just a FEW episodes.)
  -Mai Otome
  -Kekkaishi
  -Tales of Phantasia
  -Scrapped Princess
  -Darker Than Black
  -Bleach (just the first episode so far)

  And the list is surprisingly still getting bigger. All the anime I've seen so far have been entertaining to some extent, especially Kekkaishi and Darker Than Black, both of which I'm currently watching, along with Naruto and Soul Eater. So far I've watched almost every anime someone has suggested to me (talk about trying to widen my tastes, eh?), with the exception of Code Geass. Not sure why I haven't been too excited about trying to watch that one, but I suppose I'm booked at the moment. XD

  So yeah, anime has become a real big theme in my life these past few months, which is good because it's entertaining and gives me something fun to do. Also, this may eventually work as a catalyst to make me start writing again, or so I hope.

  I really wanted to make this entry longer, but I'm really tired and I have school in the morning, so I'll end it here. Maybe I'll make another during the weekend to talk about random stuff or to describe some of the anime I'm watching. For now, see you all later!!

  • Posted Sep 11, 2008 9:03 pm PT
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• 14Aug 08

  What... the... hell...? 0_o

  Alright, I've been checking in from time to time to see what's up... (Sorry I haven't answered your PM yet Sen. Hopefully I can be bothered to sign onto AIM sometime) and I come on today to see that they've totally changed it. This is... going to take some major getting used to. I didn't like it at first, but it's not that bad. I'm interested to see what effect this will have on the forums once they update those, as well. Hopefully this will get rid of some of the bugs and stuff, too. And I'm HOPING that they will start to fix all the union issues with leveling up and whatnot. If they do that I'll be happy to have come back after not posting for so long.

  I don't intend on this being a long blog entry, so I think it might end here. You've got my reaction on this "change" and hopefully I'll be around more to appreciate it and possibly update again to let you know what's going on with my life.

  • Posted Aug 14, 2008 3:45 pm PT
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• 16Jul 08

  Simply Me

  I'll start off by saying I'm not going to continue doing the thing I doa t the end of each blog to make it more purposeful. It all seems pointless to me, so I'm getting that out of the way now. What I am going to do though, something I probably should've done a long time ago (partly for my sake), is be completely honest with myself and you guy about who I am. I ended up falling asleep at 10 AM this morning and waking up at around 1:30 in the afternoon, so yeah... I did a lot of thinking last night.

  I can't express how many times I've felt lonely in my life. I'm coming to realize that a lot of that is because of me. Something I've realized is that there is a big part of me that wishes to be alone, wishes to be lonely. Yes, there's a portion that strives to not be shrouded in this darkness, but the other part is much bigger. I didn't really discover this until last night while I was putting so much thought into it. I don't know what I can do about that negative part except be around the people I care most about. I'd like to continue more on this part, but I don't know what else to say... so this leads me to the next part of me.

  I will admit that I feel a bit embarrassed about saying this, but I think it should be said... the fact that I care so much for the people in my life. Too much. Something I don't think anyone really understands or realizes about me is that I really love the world, no matter how cruel it can be sometimes. I love my friends, my family. I'd do anything to make everyone happy, but sometimes I'm a bit too scared to do so. Scared to show what my heart holds. People take advatage of a lot of crazy things in this world. It'd be ashamed for someone to take advantage of your heart. Your emotions. I don't want to be like that, but yet, I still have a burning desire simply let it all flow out. To let people know that they mean so much to me that I'm ready here to die for them anytime. Ready to get into trouble for them whenever. I love you all. You don't have to know someone in person in order to feel that way. You don't need to know them in person in order to make an impact on their life.

  Fright freezes a lot of us in our places. It's something I've been fighting every single day of my life, even though I never truly realized that. I'm afaid of a lot of things, though I normally won't say anything. Being alone, meeting new people, throwing myself out into the world, the hospital at times, and simply life itself. I think I've got over my fears of getting hit by a car again, because if I didn't wouldn't that mean I'm afraid of death? Because it isn't something I'm really afraid of. I think about it a lot, though. How it can freeze you in place just as fright does. I can't stand the way it controls us, but that's life. Either you get over your fears or you don't. It's as simple as that, wouldn't you say so too?

  If there is one thing I hate about myself the most it would be anger. If you don't know me in person, then I doubt you know how angry I can get. It's not something I'm proud of. Definately not something I cherish. I don't want to hate, mostly because I simply don't want to hate. A heart full of anger and hate is no way to move through life. Every single time I get angery, then the anger goes away, I feel horrible about it. Like whenever I have to yell at the dogs if they do something bad or stupid. I feel horrible for doing it. I usually always feel horrible after yelling at someone or something. There are a lot of things in my life that have helped me become less and less of an angery person, though. Which is another thing I realized. That the people in my life really help me sometimes even though I don't tell them. This angery part of me is something I'm going to work on getting rid of. As far as I'm concerned, it's not really me.

  I don't really know what else to say. There is more to me, but some of it I guess I simply still don't understand. I'll make my next blog update once I figure more out. But for now... there you go. I hope this helps some of you understand me at lesat a little better.

  • Posted Jul 16, 2008 12:37 pm PT
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