Putting the fun back into profundity.

• 7Oct 08

  The Game of the Day

  I used to post here, in this very blog, quite a bit. For a month or two I almost made it daily. It was really something. That is to say, it was something. Words were there. Of course, due to coming out at a rapid rate, most of the words that were there really didn't have a lot to say, but they were there all the same, and in this big world of the internet that seems to be all that really matters.

  So now, I'm working to recapture that magic. The magic that allows me to put forth another series of words before people have enough chance to catch their breath and tell you what was crappy about your previous series.

  So, here's what I'm getting at: for more than a year now, I've worked hard to provide my readers with stimulating content for free. Despite my constant requests for it, I have yet to receive even one check in the mail from any gamespot user in thanks for the content I've created. So basically... you've all been stealing from me for nearly two years. I'm sure that you feel bad about it and I certainly understand, you should feel bad. Now though, I'm giving you a chance to make it up to me. A chance for us to ignore previous obligations about who stole from who and such and to begin with a clean slate and to just have a good ol' fashioned fun time. Interested? No? Ok, do it anyway.

  I have created a new blog. I plan to update it 5 days a week. I want you to follow it. Subscribe to it, bookmark it, whatever it takes. I plan to venture into far more obscure games as time goes on.

  http://thegameoftheday.blogspot.com/

  Do it for me, Wootex, your buddy. Remember, I answered all of your zany questions. Speaking of questions, if you have any questions about the new blog (and only about the new blog) I'd be happy to make up an answer to them.

  • Posted Oct 7, 2008 11:55 am PT
  • Category: Writing
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• 10Sep 08

  Sky is Red and the World is on Fire

  In the world that we all live in, it is a temptation to try and search for something profound in the things we see every day. We say "God is everywhere, I know that he is because I once saw a rock that looked like Elmer Fudd". I don't know if this sound logic, and I don't even know if you're telling the truth, but I do know one thing: I have no right to question the validly of your Fudd Rock because being the philosophical fellow that I am, I know that everyone sees the world in a different way. So, what appears to me to be nothing more than a rock holding a cartoon shotgun, may appear to you to be the spitting granite imagine of the Wabbit Hunter himself and bring you hours of wonder and whimsy, wheras I just walk on by. The point is, you'll never be able to see the world in the same way as somebody else, at least until I perfect my become-another-person-o'-matic (patent pending), so you might as well not worry about it.

  For example, tonight at the Restaurant, a customer wrote "Obama for president" on the receipt where they wrote the tip amount. Some people might just discount this as simple self-promotion since the patron was Barak Obama (not true). However, I thought that was interesting in the same way you're probably thinking that I shouldn't be wasting your time telling you this crap. I do have a point here, more than a year ago, I believe it was sometime in June, my loyal readers asked me questions which than I took far too long to answer and my loyal readers found out that I was an unreliable jerk and decided to go be loyal to somebody who would actually answer their questions in a timely way. So now, formally loyal readers, more than a year later I will finish answering your questions. Perhaps it is the fact that many of these users probably aren't even on Gamespot anymore or just the simple fact that it took me more than a year to answer simple questions, but whatever it is, to me, this means something important, but I honestly have no idea what.

  I can't see it either.

  From Easteast: Can I make you something? (i.e: Sig, banner, avatar, blog header...)

  A: This is yet another example of the overwhelming allegorical significance of this blog, a year ago, I could have just spent two seconds typing the words "no thanks", but more than a year later, that seems more than a little insufficient… well then, just call me "Mr. Insufficient" (If I had a girlfriend, I'm sure she'd call me that), because the answer to your question East, is no thanks.

  From Wizardmon5: What game have you beaten more than any other game, and why? What draws you to that game over and over again? (Or, on the off-chance that you don't go back through games very often... Why not? If you play a game you enjoy, why not go back through it at some point?)

  A: I replay games that have a real satisfying feel to them (it's hard to say no to a good old fashioned satisfying feel). Resident Evil 4, Freedom Fighters and Prince of Persia Sands of Time stick in my mind as games I've replayed once or twice because the controls just feel very natural and satisfying, same deal with ESPN NFL 2K5, Diablo 2 and Tony Hawk 2. Really though, I don't replay games that often, because I believe that I am one of the few gamers with a legitimate interest in nearly every genre, console and generation and as such it's very rare that I find a game that sounds more appealing to replay than to see what sort of thrills or lack of a first time play-through offers.

  I am aware that this is a long blog post, so please take a monocle-themed intermission

  From DaveGray: How do you see the pricing structure of "next-gen" playing out, keeping in mind things like microtransactions, budget titles, downloadable arcade games, episodic content, greatest hits releases, and the used game market?

  A: This question seems to form an impossible trifecta (not used correctly) of being simultaneously boring, insightful and confusing. I honestly have no real idea what you're asking here. I can tell you that used games are cheaper than new games, but I bet that you knew that. I can also tell you this, there are a whole lot of companies out there trying to get your money however they can, if you pay for the products that you want to see more of and don't buy the one's you don't you will soon see more and more of the games you actually want. I'm sure you know that too, but it is good to remember and I'm mostly trying to skirt answering what you actually asked because you've hurt my brain.

  From Taz412:What's the 1st game you can ever remember playing, and what's the 1st game you remember beating? What's the last game you've beaten, and what are you currently playing?

  A: Once, I think I was in someday care in a mall or church or prison or something and there was a TV there with a super Nintendo attached to it. I played through about the first 15 minutes of Link to the Past (I'm guessing this took me about 3 hours at the time) and it totally blew my mind, I COULD CUT GRASS! I don't remember much else aside from some kind of daycare and it being awesome, I was on a lot of drugs at the time. I remember beating TMNT 4: Turtles in Time fairly early in my gaming career because that game is so easy even a blind one armed man could beat that game, he did, you can look it up (also untrue).

  I just beat the first, right side up section of Castlevania SOTN for PS1, it was great. Right now I'm playing the inverted castle and am almost done with MGS4, but mainly I'm playing the "organize and move your thousands of video games into boxes so you can figure out what you have and bring them to college". It's a fairly thrilling game at first, but soon, the shallow gameplay wears a bit thin (6.5).

  Finally, in what is arguably the most potent statement that I could make about the sort of roundabout triviality that we endure, I'm going to end with a question from Atillite.

  Atillite: do you love the limits of our malcontent? at what points do the laws of physics break down? what is my cat's name? why am i cooler thn you? all will be answered in the next installment of wootex's blog

  A: To me, true malcontent has no limits, nothing in the world is ever correct and thus, as real malcontents we must be constantly finding new ways to complain about it. The laws of physics break down at the intersection of 36th and Maple in Briar Ridge, Vermont. I brought my goldfish there, it turned into a Hamster (may or may not be true). You are cooler than my because we've been friends for like two years now and I still don't know how to say your username. I guess next turned into about 50 or 60 too late. Oh well.

  THAT'S IT!!! I did it, I answered all of your piddling and inane queries and it only took me a year! Hooray. Now, here's to another year of answering questions (not true, don't ask me questions, direct all of your questions about life the universe and everything to Zelda450, he'd be delighted to answer them).

  Time to celebrate as only the man of steel can.

  • Posted Sep 10, 2008 11:23 pm PT
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• 19Aug 08

  I'll take back my Pinata,it's wasted on you.

  Well, here I am again. And, like I usually do while I am sitting in front of the computer looking at this blank page, I'll do my best to fill it up with letters, heck, maybe there will even be enough interesting letters to make a couple interesting words. So, hmmm, all I really need is a good place to start, well, I guess I might as well start at the beginning...

  

  Grover Cleveland was man of many impressive qualities, not least of which was his physical size and propensity for Top Hats. His victory in the presidential race of 1885 was a statement by the citizens of the time that though they were willing to carry on the fine tradition of cool-mustache bearing presidents but there was a shift in the leadership itself: Cleveland was the only Democrat elected to the white house from 1860 -1912. Perhaps most memorably (certainly for those of us who were around to experience it). Was Cleveland's electoral presidential loss in 1889 to the Philistine Benjamin Harrison, only to come roaring (as only Grover Cleveland can) back four years later in 1893 to regain his throne in the oval office. Seriously, he had forgotten to remove his favorite throne four years earlier, but the White House security would not let him back in to take it out. Anyway, this means that Grover Cleveland is the only U.S. president to serve two non-consecutive terms. This means that if you were to make a cardboard cutout timeline U.S. presidents, Ol' Grove (as those of us close to him liked to call him) would take up both the 22nd and 24th slots, and probably even more if you were to make the cardboard cutouts actual size (haw haw). In between games of pocket billards and discussion of Gold or Silver standardization, I always used to give Ol' Grove a hard time about his weight and he would chide me about my rampant alcoholism... sigh

  Well, I had been planning to write a lot more about Grover Cleveland and use it as a springboard for other important topics, but I'm getting pretty teary eyed just thinking about the good times we shared, so I think it's best if I stop here.

  • Posted Aug 19, 2008 3:31 pm PT
  • Category: People
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