All About chaoscougar1
I have been meaning to write another blog for quite a while now, usually getting started, writing a few paragraphs but then never get around to finishing it. I have just never had the motivation of late, until today actually. Trying to think of somewhere to start I came to when i lost my job...
Happened in early November last year (reasons undisclosed ). Initially I was very upset, it was an embarrassment to be that I had been fired (albeit something quite minor, judged by my other supervisor and work colleagues) and I was ashamed. It wasn't meant to be a career job but it was my first job that I had held for quite a while (2 years, not an infringement to speak of) and thus losing it was quite depressing, not to mention having to tell my parents. I put on a brave facade for my friends and mostly lied to the ones I didn't implicitly trust (said I quit). For some reason one of the first questions I am always asked is either; where are you working OR are you still working at X? These questions are always followed by; not working atm (whittling away the savings) and/or just gave it up, got sick of the hours (worked to 4am on many occasions on the weekend). Anyway, i digress. Since then I have felt a bit of an emptiness in my life, something I couldn't put my finger on. I felt as though I was missing a piece of me, I was disorganised and had no real goals or motivations. Currently in April and I am still out of a job, at uni but slowing losing my savings, but still had no real motivation for work, being able to go out on weekends comfortably and freely is not enough...
Next large event would have to be my trip to Noosa. Noosa is an awesome beach town/suburb on the Sunshine Coast in Queensland, Australia. My family has gone there every year for the past 8 or so years and we absolutely love it. Usually go down with a few family friends. Nothing but two weeks of beaches, booze and...women One night stood out from the rest, a couple of mates and myself went to the only nightclub in town (which is great, most of Noosa's young population heads there) and got incredibly drunk, needless to say I lost track of my friends. I wound up on the beach somehow and I was quite depressed. I realised that my life isn't where I thought it would be; no job, no girlfriend, no purpose. I seriously questioned my existence, luckily I didn't let my emotions get the best of me, I headed back to the hotel to sleep it off, not nearly as emotional but still empty, I kicked on...A few nights later I met a girl who I have actually grown quite fond of. With the same mates at the same nightclub we started dancing with these girls, anyways we got talking, got drunk and once again ended up on the beach (nothing R rated happened unfortunately) but we enjoyed each other's company and exchanged numbers. We sobered up (again) and met the next night, just for a quiet one (just me and the two girls). The girls I met are both 28 (I myself am only 20) and in their final year of their psychology degree (perfect for me right? ). We had one of the best conversations I have ever had in my life. We talked long into the night about friends, work, significant others and just life in general. When I am with friends I either have to dumb down my diction? is that the proper term? Or we stick to the cliché male topics (women, alcohol, sports, games). This was an amazing change of pace and I felt that the knowledge and maturity I had gained over the years actually came in handy and needless to say the three of us built up an instant repour. The hole has been slightly filled...
Another large change to my life has been me going on Roaccutane. In case you do not know what Roaccutance is, it is a drug that is suppose to fix any skin problems (mainly to do with ACNE). Now my skin has never been absolutely shocking like some people (feel infinitely sorry for those people) but at 20 years old I figured after going through my entire teenage life with ACNE I have had enough. Once i started, i never looked back. Although there was an initial very painful and disgusting flare up, it last a little over a week two weeks into the treatment. Since then, my skin has been quickly improving and has gotten to a near flawless state. This change has brought with it a new confidence. When my skin was bad and I had to go out, I usually kept my head down and used my hand to cover my less then attractive parts of my face. Now i always keep my head up and am usually always smiling. I notice girls and they notice me. I strongly recommend to anyone with current skin problems that you consider Roaccutane (or Accutane as its known in the States). There are side effects (one of them can be depression) and most (so I am told) have an initial flare up, but the end result is more than worth it. Although while on the drug you are not allowed to consume copious amounts of alcohol, which means i have been having a very cheap and sober few months As someone who had ACNE for 7 years, trust me, flawless skin is something you will be extremely proud of However even with this new development, I have not found a girlfriend. Sure I have hooked up with girls, but I haven't found one I could seriously think about going out with for a while. Now this is almost as much my fault as I am probably too picky when it comes to actual girlfriends. So now I have two options, somehow find the perfect girl or, for lack of a better word, settle. Either way I am still lacking one and there is a bit of a gap in my heart and head...
This all went on during the holidays, so all though I was dealing with a lot, I didn't have university work or stress, so that was something. Now I am back into the swing of things at uni and sometimes the pressure feels like too much. I am doing the work and going to uni, all the while not knowing what the **** I am actually doing. I had no direction, I was doing the work because it was there and that was the course I signed up for. I needed to figure out a way to give my life a purpose. This very day has given me purpose and a goal. Today I started looking into an exchange with a university in the States. It has been something I have always wanted to do and always talked about doing, but never did anything about it. Today I started looking at all the literature and signed up for an information session. It noted that it requires a subject failure rate of less than 10% and an average mark of 60% (i THINK that is about a 2.5GPA). This recent event has given me three things; a purpose, a goal and motivation. Honestly, I haven't been this happy in months. I now have something to work for and a reason to get a job. I reason to try my best in life, give everything I can.
You are probably asking, what on earth does this have to do with gaming? Wonder no more, answers will be provided Through my entire life, all the ups and all the downs gaming has been there for me. Given me something to take my mind off my life when im depressed and something to enjoy when I just feel like relaxing. It's a hobby and by far my favourite one. It's a passion and I love it. It is not cheap but when it all comes together it is worth it. LED TV, Surround Sound, 360S, the games, it is all part of the experience. Gaming is a great way to escape one's life and be lost in whatever world they want, whatever world it is, I enjoy it. For those few hours, that's all that is on your mind, it is essentially clear. The problem with loving a hobby this much is that other parts of your life may get forgotten or shortened. Social life, uni work, sleep haha I think part of being a gamer is being able to balance all these aspects and knowing when one needs attention over the other. Right now my attention must be focused on uni work and getting a job with gaming in dispersed throughout, not the other way around. Sacrifices must be made to reach my goal, I have to be prepared and willing to make them. Gaming has helped me to escape of late, so I wouldn't have to face my life but I am done escaping, excuse the cliché cheesy pun, but it is time to stop running and begin to fight. In saying that, constantly doing work will lead you to more stress and anxiety, everyone needs to recharge now and again. This is different for every person; some like to go out, some like to stay home and watch movies, some like to game, some like to just chill with their significant other. Whatever the case, when you need it, do whatever makes you happy.
In conclusion, my life hasn't been insanely joyous over the past few months. I have considered a lot of things about my life and haven't had a sustained period of happiness. However, with these recent changes in my life I feel that this happiness can be achieved. I will leave you with this last quote, which has become one of my favourite quotes, take from it what you will
"Happiness Is Best Shared"
P.S. My name is Adam (check my "About Me" tab for my last name so if you would like to contact me on facebook feel free to do so
Well its that time of the year again, so be enjoy my next large blog which is on most mens favourite topic, women!
This blog idea begun with my most recent brush with a woman that didnt end as succesfully as I wanted it to. As you may know I work at a club/bar (not as many young/attractive women come to this type of bar as you may think) and so I was lucky enough to have this girl walk in two friday nights ago. She came in with two female friends (they were partners) and she was visiting for a little while. Firstly, I should point out that she is 36 and I am 19 Complications were sure to ensue.
Our back and forths began when she came up to the bar to order a drink (tequila shot of all things), and to be modest I am quite good at talking to people straight off the bat when serving them drinks. I can build up a repour quite easily and usually manage to get a laugh or two (mainly with younger customers). So we had a little bit of a chat and I managed to make her laugh/giggle and that was that. A few minutes later I went out to collect some glasses and we each said a little comment while i was passing through, nothing too exciting just yet. Then, the next encounter I came to do a pay out on her friends poker machine (write up a ticket on the winnings so she can take it to the change bar to get the money) and as im walking past she rubs her hand down my back and again on the way back out. So now Im thinking she is she flirting with me, or is she just a little drunk (maybe both haha). Then as im walking away she gives me a little tap on the ass, so right now im thinking cha-ching. Unfortunately, i finished at midnight and she was still there playing poker. So now i have a tough decision to make; stay and look a little desperate but waiting for her, or have a little chat and leave. Decided to take the last option and that was pretty much it for that night.
The next time i saw her was on sunday. This night was a lot better as the whole club was quieter and i could focus a little more on her, trying to figure out what the **** she wanted On sunday we pretty much went through the same thing except her friend was a little more vocal for her than on friday. They definately tried to pick me up at the bar but i dont know whether she was just flirting/messing around or she wanted more. It got even more confusing when she called me very sexual and then hugged me when i went outside. So, i am thinking i am getting all the right signals. UNFORTUNATELY, they left when i was on my dinner break so i didnt really get to say goodbye.
The most annoying thing came on this previous friday night when she came back in for poker. Nothing really happened that was out of the ordinary, she hugged me and such. But then i went out to her while she was playing the pokies (a little more sober than the other nights) and i ask if there is anything i could do for her (in the non sexual working sense) and she replies with 'not now' and giggles. So right now im kind of excited as she is kind of hot. But no less than half an hour later she is walking out the front door with her friend and saying she is heading back home (still in the same city, but not really close to where i live)
So it ended with me being really ******* confused. I was so certain she was giving me all the right signals, then it was a big see you later. I honestly think she was just happy should could still get a 19 year old 'excited' and was just straight flirting. May i say it is very frustrating, misleading and annoying
All in all I seem to find older women very attractive. They may not be as physically hot as some of the girls my age, but they have that certain mature woman charm that I cant resist. (What are your favourite type of girls/guys, i know we all have preferences ) One of my best friends is a 31 year old (very attractive) mother, i havent really thought about her in a sexual way but im sure if she offered, i dont think i would say no. Im the kind of guy that will wait for the girl to make the first move, which has no doubt lost me a few girls over the years, but i just dont have to self confidence to be able to walk up to a girl and ask for a relationship (unless i am drunk ) and even then, im not too fond of rejection (im sure no one is).
Well thats it for now, might add some more later, but thats all i can think of now at 3:30am Feel free to comment and post, i would love to hear peoples thoughts on women, men, relationships, flirting etc!!!
UPDATE: Well the weekends events were surely interesting; she came in saturday night and was still quite flirty, but shes also flirting with another guy i work with. She seems to treat us relatively similar and thus i think she is just out there to have fun...
Kinda disheartened cause i realised i have terrible choice in women, they always seem to be the ones i just cannot get for one reason or another...
Well it's that time again, it's been a while and I thought I should write another blog! This one will be a little different as it won't focus on a single topic; this one will cover three! Have no fear though, I will title each new topic so you will always know where my head is and they won't run into each other. As always hope you enjoy what's been on my mind
Getting A Life
Ahhhhh this saying, how many times have we heard it? Honestly I have to say it is one of the most annoying comments on this website, mainly because you hear it so often. Previously I have said that if anyone says it, it's ironic; simply because we are on a gaming website. I recently realised that that's a stupid ignorant thing to say and essentially perceives that we all have no lives if we are on this website, incorrect.
First, let's explore what a 'Life' actually is. I believe life is about a balance. This does not mean everything is in equal proportion, no no, it just means that you don't spend every waking minute on games. You chill with friends, go out to dinner, go out for a beer, work; and the list goes on and on. The balance is about trying to do one or all of these things within a given timeframe. And if games is the predominant percentage of your time, then so be it, as long as you still make time for other things (doesn't matter how long for or when) but as long as you do it, I think you still have a life. Thus I believe that there aren't that many people 'Without a Life'
The myth that seems to be perpetuated and proclaimed constantly on this website (which is ridiculous) that if you play games for more time then "I" do, then you have no life because "I" of course have a perfect balance. You will then most likely go on to see that person list all the things they do and have (#1 is usually a GF) and try to justify just how much better than you they are. They don't only do this to justify to you and the other members, but mostly I think they try and justify it to themself. They don't want to admit/look to closely at their life just in case they realise that they don't have everything they want and believe that playing games too much is the reason (either by their own standards or someone else's)
Thus to close this section of my blog out, please don't accuse anyone of not having a life because you have no idea WHO they are or WHAT they do with the time they have. It's childish and very petty, just don't do it.
Initiative is beautiful double edged sword. One glistening in the sunlight, made out of gold and encrusted with diamonds; the other rusty and bloodied but incredibly sharp. Let me explain myself further.
Funnily enough my pondering on this idea began last night when an extremely attractive promotion girl was at my local RSL (while I was working) and she was handing out free samples of beer (cha ching!) and I filled her up a new jug of beer in which to distribute and she said "Great initiative" (among other things) and it got me thinking. What if she didn't want another one, or wanted a break or wanted a different beer? There in lies the problem of initiative.
Initiative is very much a risk/reward action. If you do it well, you are praised and recognised by your boss (in a good light) and if you do it wrong you are criticised and also recognised by your boss (this time in not such a good light).
The three problems with initiative are as follows and is thus the risk;
1-If you weren't asked to do it, maybe it didn't need doing
2-Someone else may have already done it therefore making what you did redundant
3-You take the wrong initiative and simply bugger something up
We all need to take initiative at one point or another because hey, it leads to good things (promotions, pay rises and extra curricular activities)but the ultimate problem is when, where and how? Three questions, I am sorry to say, you are not going to find the answer for in this blog (sorry if I got anyone's hopes up)
Managing Work or Managing People?
As I previously mentioned I work in my local RSL (for those non-Australians among us think of something in between a bar and a nightclub). Personally I love the work, I think it's great. The people are nice and very friendly, it's not too strenuous and there's always sport showing (not as much NFL as I would like though haha). Some people, on the other hand, have lost enjoyment for the work and can make the environment not very conducive to efficient work.
A few of the older members of staff who have been there quite a while have lost passion for the work (and what seems to be their life) and have taken to constantly complaining. This can really start to grate. I don't mind them venting but it's gotten to the point where that's all they do and they constantly insult members of the club when they are out of earshot. Granted there are some members that I don't really like, but I wouldn't go as far to insult them at every opportunity I got.
Another problem which is much worse is that of Office Politics AKA Office Gossip. For a club where most of the staff are grown men, there is an insane amount of gossiping and *****ing, thus focus on work and positive outcomes is very quickly lost. For example a lovely female supervisor where I work has been copping a lot of garbage since she started there; whether its because she's a woman or relatively young (31) is unknown but I find it utterly unacceptable. She is one of the most amazing persons I have ever met and she shouldn't have to deal with the garbage she has dealt with. Constant gossiping behind her back about the most trivial of things and as most of our club is for older gentlemen, she is objectified on a daily basis. I can honestly say on more than one occasion that if I was her I would have slapped a few members and non-members alike.
As I am studying business at university (passed my first year btw yay!) I did a unit in management. As a part of the course we had a booklet full of case studies and extracts from management novels about various work environments. Reading some of them honestly scared me, the workplace sounded absolutely horrible and almost put me off getting a desk career all together haha But I thought, nah, these must be the worst case scenarios in order to prepare us, it wont happen to me. Honestly I think I could have written a pretty good article about this club and it be a great case study for what not to do in working with/managing people. But enough with the staff issue of working, time to move on to managing work.
As an RSL we have poker/pokie/slot machines (about 80 of them) and god aren't they something. Utter vacuums for money, it took me a bit of a loss to finally realise this. POKER MACHINES ARENT THERE TO INCREASE YOUR FUNDS, THEY ARE THERE TO TAKE THEM!!! Yes, you may win sometimes but play long enough and you will always be down. That's why when I see our regular pokie players I take a little bit of pity on them. Cause it must be a serious addicting where you can put $50 after $50 after $50 into a machine and constantly see it lost. Granted they can be very enticing with their bright lights and promise of riches, but you only have to play and lose on em once to know how deadly they can be, they are designed to take your money, they are a source of revenue for the club. I tried telling this to one of our regulars that also regularly complains about how she loses money, unfortunately it was lost in translation. So for all of you out there that have experienced or yet to experience poker machines either don't play them at all or set a reasonable level and as soon as you lose that, bail, quit while you are only an acceptable level of funds behind, never chase your losses cause 99% of the time, you WILL NOT win it back. I have worked in this club long enough and have emptied the machines at the end of the night many times to have realised how much people put through and I constantly wonder, why? Heck just give the money to me, I am sure I will make better use of it. It scares me when I see a month's wages in one machine.
Well that's it, my work, initiative and getting a life all covered! I hope you enjoyed reading it and feel free to comment however you like (as long as its not abusive and has some intellectual standing )
My Recent Reviews
This game looks amazing and this trailer helped to cement it's potential. The music sets the scene fantastically. A truly AAA trailer. Barra Barra by Rachid Taha **Obtained from GameTrailers.com**
A lot of people disliked this trailer, i was the opposite. I thought this added an extra dimension to the game, the story wasn't just kill anything in sight, it was survival, there was great loss and the human race needs to rebuild...
My all-time favourite E3 video, the atmosphere at the start is amazing. The score is perfect and what Truth says sends shivers down my spine
May 16, 2013 5:03 am GMTchaoscougar1 posted in the topic Holy Meltdown! (brought to you by Amy's Baking Company) on the Off-Topic Discussion board