• 16Dec 08

  Wii Software line up for 2009

  Okay Doky, Nintendo has released it's '09 line up. Let's have a wii look and separate the shovel-sh!t-ware from the decents.

  Chrysler ****c Racing (Zoo)--9 Jan 2009 -
  Zoo, sucking on the teet of car companies to make some money. How about make decent games dickholes. Prediction 3.5/10, if reviewed at all.
  
  Jeep Thrills (formerly Let's Off Road) (Zoo)--9 Jan 2009 -
  Jeep Thrills...Jeep Thrills. At least they are keeping consistency between sh!t game and sh!t name! Prediction 3.0/10, if reviewed at all.

  Army Men: Soldiers of Misfortune (Zoo)--16 Jan 2009 -
  ARMY MEN...OH THEY ARE TAKING THE SH!T COATED BISCUIT NOW! Prediction 4.0/10, if reviewed at all.

  Skate City Heroes (Zoo)--16 Jan 2009 -
  Shut Up Zoo. You are a major culprit in producing shovelware for the Wii. I hope you soul was worth it.
  It might be reviewed on GS. Prediction 4.0/10, only because the balance board may improve it slightly.
  

  Story Hour Adventures (Zoo)--16 Jan 2009 -
  Eat a dick. Won't be reviewed. Prediction 2.5/10, if reviewed at all.
  
  Story Hour Fairy Tales (Zoo)--16 Jan 2009 - Eat another dick.
  Prediction 2.5/10, if reviewed at all.

  NeoPets Puzzle Adventure (Capcom)--23 Jan 2009 -
  Hard call, might be decent, I am just happy to see a decent publisher/developer in the line up. **** you Zoo. 5.5-6/10
  

  Twin Strike: Operation Thunder (Zoo) --Jan 2009 -...meh...5.5/10
  
  Riding Stables (dtp young entertainment)--Jan 2009 -
  DTP "cashing in on" Young Entertainment...You don't care about entertaining the young. You care about making money to line your pockets, while the developers cry into their morning coffee and stare jealously at the front cover of EDGE magazine, which will NEVER FEATURE ONE OF YOUR GAMES!
  Prediction ****YOU/10, if reviewed at all.
  
  Music Party (dtp young entertainment)--Jan 2009 -
  KACHING! MUSIC! That's it, lets make a music game so brainless idiots will buy ours thinking it will be as good as rockstar, singtar, guitar hero, samba de amigo etc. IT WILL SUCK.
  Prediction 3.5/10, if reviewed at all.
  
  Ultimate Band (Capcom)--5 Feb 2009 -
  Ah capcom, please don't do it. 5.0/10
  
  NEW PLAY CONTROL! Pikmin (Nintendo)--6 Feb 2009 -
  ...AAAAND SMILE.. Thank you sweet christ that there is at least one game worth noting! 8.0/10
  
  Hotel For Dogs (505 Games)--6 Feb 2009-
  "Hotel for Dogs"?...A Hotel....for dogs?... OH COME ON! 505 can eat a bag of d!cks! Prediction 3.5/10, if reviewed at all.
  
  NARUTO Clash of Ninja Revolution 2 European Version (TOMY/Nintendo)--13 Feb 2009 Hmmm, I dunno, probably an above average game yet shallow. Prediction 6.5/10

  Deadly Creatures (THQ)--13 Feb 2009
  Getting a little hype, but ultimately this is going to be a 5.5 or a 6er.
  
  CM 2-World Kitchen (505 Games)--20 Feb 2009
  Probably on par with the first. So I'm guessing 5.5 or 6/10.
  
  The Destiny of Zorro (505 Games)--27 Feb 2009
  I can tell you his destiny...BARGAIN BIN! 4/10
  
  House of the Dead:Overkill (SEGA)--Feb 2009
  I'm interested in this one. But a rail shooter these days is a little boring. But it is "grindhousey" as that dumb blonde so eloquently put it. so 7/10

  Ben 10:Alien Force (D3Publisher)--Feb 2009 -
  Young boys will buy it regardless the score. 4.5/10
  
  Onechanbra-Bikini Zombi Slayers (D3Publisher)--Feb 2009
  This game will be awesome becasue of what it is, but not how it plays. Probably won't be released in USA or Europe. 7/10
  
  Mushroom Men: The Spore Wars (SouthPeak Games)--Feb 2009
  Taking a long time to release, and sadly it probably will achieve a meagre 6.5/10
  

  RIGHT THIS IS TAKING TOO LONG AND I CAN'T BE BOTHERED HOLDING THE VOMIT BACK ANY LONGER. Plus is anyone ever going to read this. Time to ignore the shovelware and focus on only those that matter.

  Pirates versus Ninja (SouthPeak Games)--Feb 2009 shovelware - riding the wave of the internet craze.
  
  CID The Dummy (Oxygen Games)--Feb 2009 shovelware(ish)
  
  Tenchu Shadow Assassins (Ubisoft)--5 Mar 2009 - 6.5/10
  
  Yamaha Supercross (Zoo)--6 Mar 2009 shovelware
  Big Foot Collision Course (Zoo)--6 Mar 2009 shovelware
  Diva Girlsrincess on Ice (505 Games)--6 Mar 2009 shovelware
  Smiley World Island Challenge (Zoo)--13 Mar 2009 shovelware
  Jelly Belly Ballistic Beans (Zoo)--13 Mar 2009 shovelware
  
  Sim Animals (EA)--23 Mar 2009 - Dunno - 6.5/10 to be safe
  
  Little King's Story (Rising Star Games)--28 Mar 2009 Yawn
  
  NEW PLAY CONTROL! Mario Power Tennis (Nintendo)--Mar 2009 - 8.5/10
  

  Sonic and the Black Knight (SEGA)--Mar 2009 6.5/10 - Another entry into the cheesey rock anthemed, sh!t voice acting, completely removed from everything sonic should be, Sonic series. Yaaay! Sonic is slowly becoming shovelware with the amount of releases he gets.
  
  MADWORLD (SEGA)--Mar 2009 -Happy.****ing.days! Bring on the M! 8/10.
  

  Diabolik:The Original Sin (Black Bean/Lago Srl)--Mar 2009 - No Idea

  Bob the Builder: Festival of Fun (Mastertronic)--Mar 2009
  AMF Bowling World Lanes (Bethsofteurope)--Q1 2009
  Runaway The Dream of the Turtle (Focus Home Interactive)--Q1 2009
  Job Island (Hudson Soft)--Q1 2009
  Kororinpa 2 (working title) (Hudson Soft)--Q1 2009
  King of Fighters Collection: The Orochi Saga. (Ignition)--Q1 2009
  Samurai Shodown Anthology (Ignition)--Q1 2009
  Jillian Michaels' Fitness Ultimatum 2009 (Koch Media/Deep Silver)--Q1 2009- shovelware
  Castlevania Judgment (Konami)--Q1 2009
  PES 2009 (Konami)--Q1 2009
  Cake Mania–In the Mix! (Majesco/Codemasters)--Q1 2009
  Escape The Museum (Majesco/Codemasters)--Q1 2009
  Rock Revolution (Konami)--Q1 2009 - Come on Konami...give it up.
  Hysteria Hospital:Emergeny Ward (Oxygen Games)--Q1 2009
  Roogoo (SouthPeak Games)--Q1 2009
  Brave:A Warrior's Tale (SouthPeak Games)--Q1 2009
  Line Rider 2:Unbound (InXile)--Q1 2009
  PurrPals II (InXile)--Q1 2009

  And I give up. I lost interest after Madworld to be honest with you. But from what it seems we have a whole load of shovelware to look forard to seeing rotting in bargain bins, as idiotic clueless mothers pick them up thinking "Awww wee Jenny would loveto ride a horse in 'Wii-Ride-The-Horsey", OR OR OR...maybe Jenny wants to be a quaterback dick sucking cheerleader in "Wii Cheer"....Well you know what? Jenny is going to grow up hating you, probably become a junkie and a hooker, have 5 children to 8 different men, all because of shovelware.

  Meanwhile your 7 year old son also doesn't know it, but in about 10 years time his face is going to be a newspaper favorite after performing a terrible school massacre as a result of being bullied for playing these bargain bin pieces of sh!t. It's not GTA or Manhunt's fault. It is YOURS because you chose to buy him "HOTEL FOR DOGS" instead of Super Mario Galaxy.

  I bid thee good day.

  • Posted Dec 16, 2008 8:29 am PT
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• 13Nov 08

  Games that are require developers to supress their soul and die inside.

  EA Celebrity Sports - Wii

  Why in sweet baby jesus' name does this game exist? Why? EA, you money hungry whores. What ever hapened to making games you love. What is worse than this game seeing the light of day? The complete brainless idiots who buy it.

  Carnival Games - Wii - Oh dear **** Another one.

  More shovelware rants to come.

  • Posted Nov 13, 2008 4:11 pm PT
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