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• 9Oct 08

  If there is a God he must love stupid people; He made so many.

  Hi everybody. Big welcome back to my missing brudah Scott (polsci1503). He just got back from attending a wedding in NYC. Go read his blog about it. NOW!! While you are there do not forget to scold hm resoundly for not telling me he was going to NYC until he was on his way back to Hawaii. Thank you.

  I had one of my patented Kelly meltdowns at work today. I have been feeling irritated for days about a number of things and today was the day that someone messed up so badly that I felt obliged to let them know what a complete waste of perfectly good oxygen I think that they are.

  As I have stated there is an upstairs Kitchen that tends to the banquets, weddings, other assorted functions at our facility and there is my restaurant downstairs. If we have an over abundance of things going on upstairs and people have paid for one of the more intricate menus, I will often turn the reins downstairs over to my very capable sous chef and I will go help upstairs. The owners of the place feel better that way. The problem upstairs is not the chef, it is a drunken events co-ordinator that on several occasions has booked events and forgotten to put them into the schedule. Even that is not the end of the world, it's a problem, but the real fun begins when she books events for the exact same time and forgets to put one of them into the schedule.

  I have to tell you, were I J, I would have told the owners to either find a new events co-ordinator or get stuffed a long time ago. Today put the icing on the cake. The upstairs guy came down in a panic at just after 4pm. I had just got back from picking up my son and was giving my sous instructions for tonights menu. The upstairs Chef (J) was almost purple. "Any chance you can come help me" he asked and the panic in his voice convinced me immediately that I probably needed to. "I guess" I said begrudgingly, but why. I check the events calender every day and today was an awards ceremony for 120 at 5pm and a reception for 165 at 7pm. Should be zero problem. I knew he did his prep yesterday, he and his preps were there all day. He shook his head and told me that once again the events co-ordinator had forgotten an event on the board and we needed a rather high end dinner for 95 at 7pm. The same time as the reception. That my friends is a disaster in the making. He was in the **** big time. I didn't have a reservation until 5:30 and I was content that my sous and I were in pretty good shape so instead of just me going up, myself, ray, one of my preps, my dishwasher and one of the waitresses headed up the stairs. The dishwasher was excited, the waitress was mad enough to spit nails, and the rest of us just shook our heads at the stupidity of it all.

  While he and his staff took care of the last minute stuff for the 5pm my staff and I started on the missing dinner. My prep and the dishwasher prepped all the veg in record time and my dishwasher surprised me by picking up a fairly intricate cutting technique almost immediately. He did that while my prep did the extremely complex veg cuts. Ray started on seafood while I started on loins. We have sourced great suppliers and luckily they have yet to let us down. THey managed to get a delivery to us in under an hour and a half. My server complained bitterly the whole time she assembled canapes. J and his staff jumped in as soon as the 5pm went out. Thank goodness it was buffet. He would have been dead in the water otherwise. He and his staff started in on the million other things yet to be done and I sent Ray and the server back downstairs. I told Ray to send up the other prep.

  It was at that point that the events co-ordinator decided to grace us with her presence. Now would logic not dictate that when you have events happening you should be there prior to them starting to eat? She actually said "everybody having a good night?" She really seems to think that calling J a couple of hours before a dinner is to go out and saying "oh by the way" is perfectly ok. I have a feeling she thinks that because before today nobody has corrected her.

  "What did you just say?" I yelled and smashed my knife down on the block. "Did you really just ask us if we are having a good night?" I came out from behind the block and walked towards her. "I don't know how you could have missed it, but since you obviously did, MY DISHWASHER IS IN THE CORNER CUTTING ******* BUTTERNUT SQUASH." Has it not crossed your pickled little brain that that might be a JUST A LITTLE OUT OF THE ORDINARY?" Her eyes were huge and she started to back up until her fat ass hit the line table. I advanced some more. "HAVE YOU EVER FORCED A SERVER TO MAKE CANAPES?" I was screaming now and I did not care. THEY DON'T LIKE IT." NOW, YOU STUPID COW, GO GET SOME WHITES ON BECAUSE YOU ARE GOING TO BE HELPING TO SERVE THIS DINNER!!" With that, I turned back to my block and picked up my knife to get back to what I was doing, but turned back to her for a second instead. my voice was much lower now. "Don't you dare try pulling your disappearing act either, because I will personally march out to this party you booked and inform them they will not be eating because the events co-ordinator didn't feel that they were important enough to put them into the schedule." Then she ran out of the kitchen crying.

  I had to get back downstairs, but left J all the staff I had up there. I told him I would do everything I could to get upstairs to help plate and serve. At 6:45 myself, my hostess and 3 servers went back up the stairs. Ray was downstairs with 1 server. J took the reception and myself and my preps plated the 95. My servers and my dishwasher and a very upset events co-ordinator served the dinner. Somehow, we got it done and done well.

  • Posted Oct 9, 2008 7:47 pm PT
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• 8Oct 08

  Top five reasons you might belong at McDonalds..........

  It's that wonderful time of the year when all the wacko's decide that fine dining is for them. I don't know why fall brings out all the wack jobs, it just does. As a public service I offer the following tips. Now, excuse me while I go back to banging my head off of my desk.

  5. If you had known foie gras was liver you wouldn't have ordered it, you might belong at McDonald's.

  4. If you don't know that sweetbreads are neither sweet, nor bread, you might belong at McDonald's

  3. If the words too creamy or too cheesy are in your vocabulary, you might belong at Mcdonald's

  2. If you giggle while trying to order the rack of lamb, you might belong at McDonald's.

  1. If the words fillet Mignon, well done, and ketchup ever appear in the same sentence, you might belong at McDonald's.

  • Posted Oct 8, 2008 1:32 pm PT
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• 4Oct 08

  my mama said "that your life is a gift"

  And my mama said
  There's much weight you will lift
  And my mama said
  Leave those bad boys alone
  And my mama said
  Be home before the dawn
  And my mama said
  You can be rich or poor
  But my mama said
  You can be big or small
  
  But I'm always on the run
  
  My mama said
  That it's good to be fruitful
  But my mama said
  Don't take more than a mouthful
  And my mama said
  That it's good to be natural
  And my mama said
  That it's good to be factual
  
  But I'm always on the run
  
  My mama said
  Baby don't ride that crazy horse
  And my mama said
  You must push with much force
  And my mama said
  Go get all that you're after
  And my mama said
  That love's all that matters
  "

  That was written by Lenny Kravitz in 1991. After the first time I heard it, in 1991 I wondered for a very longtime if this was information that every mother imparted to their children. Mine did. Each and every line was said by my mama at one time or another from the time I can remember until she died. for you younguns go here and check out My Kravitz. I heard that on the radio today and it brought a huge smile to my face.

  So at 40 years old and not having heard this song in probably 14 years I heard it today as I was aimlessly cruising, contemplating some home stuff, some work stuff and some general life stuff.

  So, stuff I have been banging around in my head for days now was just resolved in under 4 minutes by Lenny Kravitz and my mama.

  My mama said "baby don't ride that crazy horse" which I finally get. She wasn't talking about my actual horse who is crazy by the way, she was talking about my pre-disposition to try and do everything to the point of distraction.

  And my mama said" you must push, with much force" I went to work and did that as soon as this song was over in the car.

  And my mama said "go get all that your after" Did that too, at the same time.

  And my mama said "love is all that matters" Well, jury is still out on that one mom, but I'm willing to take your word for it for now.

  thanks mom, oh and Mr. Kravitz

  • Posted Oct 4, 2008 11:24 am PT
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