• 10Sep 09

  MMOs and Soap-operas.

  MMOs are the soap-operas of video gaming.

  ---

  They have:

  • Millions of viewers (users)

  2.8 million viewers regularly tune in to Days of Our Lives [source], while World of Warcraft boasts an unreal count of over 10 million registered users! [source]

  • Weak story-writing

  Excerpt from Days of Our Lives:
  Sami: Brandon loves me!
  Lucas: He's in love with your cleavage.

  Excerpt from World of Warcraft:

  (Coming soon...)
  

  • An endless, drawn-out plot
  • A heavy reliance on in-game advertising
  • Broad character claśśes/characteriations
  • Loyal, (fanatic?) audiences
  • No end
  • Posted Sep 10, 2009 10:48 pm PT
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• 15Aug 09

  The Top 10 Slime-themed Games.

  

  Yes, slime. The green goo. You've seen it on countless kids shows, game shows and films. Sure, it's survived its share of cultural and economic shifts, but it hasn't withstood the test of time as well as it might have. Why is this? Has the green, gelatinous, flourescant fluid achieved all it can? Are there no more worthy targets guest-starring in kids shows, smartly dressed and oblivious to the bucket hanging precariously above them? Do kids no longer crave that squelching feeling through their fingers, and patient hours of removing lint and hair from a petroleum-based ball of goo? I suppose so. Once marketed as a new-wave in toy technology, slime has been all but forgotten. But, do these games let it live on...?

  ---

  #10: Boogerman: A Pick and Flick Adventure (GEN)

  Alright so it's not exactly about slime, but switch out the lights and hold a golf-ball sized blob of mucus in your hand. Can you really tell the difference? Boogerman represents all the things that you're supposed to "unlearn" after turning five: picking your nose (and flicking it!), burping, farting and being proud about it. He's the ultimate anti-hero - he promotes rudeness, crudeness and has a fixation with plungers. Yes, you'll spend your time among the slimy recesses of raw sewerage, or in umplumbed depths of a slimy cavern, but it sure beats the other typical platform-game clones of the time...

  

  Trivia: Snotty Ragsdale (Boogerman), was created from over 1,800 hand drawn animated cels.
  

  ---

  #9: Mister Slime (DS)

  While not being quite the "unmatched experience" as claimed in the advertising blurb, this DS title has a certain charm - after all, the box-art of a grumpy little four-limbed slime-ball is an inspiring sight for slime-heads. A brightly coloured game, it is your goal to fling yourself through five discreet worlds in 2D action. Rather than ozzing along the ground, or bouncing along, your spidery limbs fling and attach to the environment with a flexability that would make Dhalsim cringe.

  

  Trivia: The game was designed by Paul Cuisset, creator of the hit game Flashback.
  

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  #8: Todd's Adventures in Slime World (GEN)

  What could be more captivating than a raging river of slime? In this action game, you play as Todd (obviously) who must make his way through six slime-ridden worlds. His mission? To collect slime gems! Full of dripping, bright-green disgusting chambers, this game puts the typical/cliched idea of slime on a silver platter. Don't get Todd too messy though, or you'll have to jump into a pool of clear, fresh water and watch him scrub the goo away. Although this game hardly broke any new ground, it's a fun enough and the tongue-in-cheek humour was (at the time) as refreshing as those pools of sparkling water.
  

  

  Trivia: The game features a true and practical live-updating mini-map before Super Metroid did.
  

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  #7: A Boy and His Blob (NES)

  You control a boy, who must be afflicted with some sort of palsy, for he cannot jump, run or attack. Quite sad! He does however (like all boys must of dreamed of!), have under his control a 'blob'. This bouncy and agreeable character is deformable and mutational - that is, he turns into twelve different forms to help this guy on his adventure. These metamorphoses are made by drugging the poor blob with suspicous pleasantly flavoured jelly-beans. Turns out that this game played pretty well too.

  

  Trivia: A Game Boy Advance sequel titled A Boy and His Blob: Jelly's Cosmic Adventure was announced for 2002; it was cancelled.
  

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  #6: Die! Alien Slime (C64)

  A futuristic top-view run-n-gun game, this title is a C64 gem. Rather than carefully studying and preserving the strange slimey fauna, you take up arms and systematically exterminate them. This is one of the few C64 titles that actually plays smoothly, (almost like a modern flash game). Add to this the fantastic sound effects and tidy, functional graphics, this slime-themed slaughter is more than just an awesome name for a game.

  
  

  Trivia: Mastertronic (the budget software company responsible for Die! Alien Slime) was eventually bought out by SEGA in 1991.

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  #5: Blob (C64)

  To quote the game manual: 'Imagine a universe of a different dimension - a dimension of height, of ground, of gravity and time.' Well call me crazy, but that sounds like our universe to a tee... Anyhow, this one's a progressive puzzle title for the Amiga. Blob sees you take control of a jelly-like blue lump of slime. Your mission is to find the exit on these tile-based levels by bouncing from lower levels to the goal. It's a simple but clever title that challenges players to think strategically about space.

  

  ---

  #4: The Ooze (GEN)

  What a concept! Play as a tepid pool of toxic slime. (I just love the way video games are boundless, and anything goes). Fortunately, this game was more than a novelty, as it played quite respectfully too. You were a scientist, but you've messed up and turned yourself into this shimmering (bright green) puddle. Collect more slime, and conjure up loogies to hurl at your (equally bizarre) enemies. Great sense of humour, and it's a nice idea to play as the thing you usually avoid in games.

  

  Trivia: The Ooze was intended to be a pack-in with the Sega Nomad, the hand-held Genesis with its own viewing screen.

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  #3: Adventures of Lolo (NES)

  Lolo needs to save Lala. How? Well, by solving a whole bunch of top-view maze-like puzzles. What kind of abilities does this round, blue blob have to assist him in his quest? Well, he can move and occasionally shoot. That's it. But what makes the game's reputation is the ingenious methods in how the puzzles are solved. Getting to that exit can be tricky, even though it may be a matter of pixels away. Lolo spawned a few sequels too, and each of these kept the notable strategy and quality of the original. An unlikely hero, but a hero nonetheless!

  

  Trivia: Lolo and Lala, the games' protagonists, have appeared in the Kirby games under the names of Lololo and Lalala.

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  #2: Dragon Quest Heroes: Rocket Slime (DS)

  Carrying on the slimy legacy, and a fitting tribute and to all of those gooey games before it, this title is a another addition to the revered Dragon Quest series. Suitably enough, it features slime, front-and-centre. By controlling a quirky grinning blob of slime, you begin a rescue mission that takes you through Superstar Saga-like dungeons, and all the puzzle-solving that that entails. Of course, slime has its advantages, and you can bounce, stretch, float, and attack, all by flexing your malleable mass about the place. And neither are you the odd one out, your duty is freeing the all slimy enslaved citizens.

  

  Trivia: The developer chose to keep humans absent in the game, thinking that if they had appeared, they would probably just run around killing all the Slimes.

  ---

  #1: World of Goo (WII)

  Build structures made out of blobules of "goo", as it were. Yes, that's about the size of it, but the challenge and unique cleverness takes this basic summary to astronomical heights, both idealogically and physically. Building and stretchiing these guys around is both relaxing and tricky, and the film-score like soundtrack makes an otherwise shallow idea feel more like a weird, avantgarde adventure. Praised for it's beautiful simplicity and winning gameplay, this title has questioned the relevance and quality of regular Wii releases on disc format, seeing as this "Wiiware" title beats the pants off most of the other shovelware at a fraction of the price!

  

  

  Trivia: World of Goo became the first downloadable game for Nintendo's console via Amazon.com.

  ---

  It's been an interesting ride, following the trail of slime through the gaming ages, but what will be next? With revolutionary titles such as "World of Goo" making a comeback for slime, are we now to be inundated with claggy clones, countless games featuring goo, gloop and goo? I think it's unlikely. There's something unattractive about playing as a pile of pulsating and putrid paste, and it's equally hard to mould interesting characters out of them. Lolo, Rocket and the other anonymous sludgy offenders hardly instil an inspiring image in a gamer's mind.

  Or do they...?

  • Posted Aug 15, 2009 12:30 am PT
  • Category: Editorial
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• 24Jul 09

  The EXTRA Top 5 Mainstream Games with Religious Undertones

  After a tsunami of gamespot user suggestions and expressions of disappointment about the original list, I thought I'd better appease the masses with a new and bonus list to that Top 10 Mainstream Games with Religious Undertones.

  That's right, it's the Second Coming!

  The following list features the predominant user suggestions, as well as few other lesser known titles. Bear in mind that I list the games in relation to their content of religious material, not in the order of which is the best to play (or worst to play in some cases). Also, I make no comment on religious viewpoints, beliefs or their correspondent controversies... however tempted I may have been!

  So then, let's embark on another exodus through the holy-lands of video-gaming.

  (As with the original list, I am restricting this list to games that are not designed to promote a particular religion. So titles like "Bible Adventures" and "Exodus" don't qualify. I am interested in listing the games that show hints or references to religious materials or qualities as an aside to the game's primary purpose: entertainment. Games that try to make religious teaching itself the source of entertainment weren't considered for this list.)
  

  ---

  #5: Tecmo's Deception: Invitation to Darkness (PS)
  

  Any game that contains satanic references is sure to generate interest right? Well this game, usually tagged with such out-of-fashion adjectives as "multimedia" and "FMV (Full Motion Video)", asks players to take on the role of an innocently executed character that has made a deal with the Devil. After some questionable motivations and tissue-thin plot devices, it is the player's job to please Satan himself by setting traps and claiming visitors' souls. Along with this, it is the player's job to exercise any moral judgements they may hold, for it is not always imperative that you trap and kill every character - those you spare will alter the game play somewhat. Take a soul or kill the body? Please Satan or pocket some gold? The choice is yours. The game's tag-line describes it in its own goofy way better than I ever could: You choose who lives ... and who dies!

  
  

  

  *Trivia*: The instruction manual states that there are six endings to the game, but it is suspected by some fans that there are more "hidden" endings.

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  #4: Messiah (PC)

  Play as a cherub - (you know, the winged baby-like figure that ranks the highest in the hierarchy of angels?) Yes they're cute, but in Messiah, he's pretty devious and dangerous. With the ability to possess other beings and control them as if they were but mindless puppets, you must traverse the cyberpunk environments in order to fulfil God's will. Satan has done it again, and it's up to "Bob" the Cherub to thwart the Dark One's plans for universal domination, (or something like that). The city of Faktur, a futuristic metropolis full of citizens who really do love to sin, is your battleground. And the sex-workers, dirty cops and some strange, violent underground creatures are all up for grabs. Possess one, drain their life or use them for your own ends (puzzle-solving), and then discard. Unfortunately, the pleasure gained from the game is just as short as Bob himself, for the entire campaign is over before you know it, and it then becomes apparent that much of the game play may have been just filler; the seemingly endless platform areas seem both out-of-place and redundant, and the developers indecision as to whether this game is a shooter or an adventure title is manifested in this imbalance. But nevertheless, the broad religious derivatives are what make this game memorable: a cherub floating about in a dystopian ultramodern city in order to defeat Satan is nothing, if not original.

  
  

  
  

  *Trivia*: At one point, possessing a worker in a radiation suit will get you called "Half Life" by one of the guards.

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  #3: Okami (PS2)

  Rich in culture, colour and imagination, Okami is a true artistic spectacle. With its bold and tasteful minimalist ink-painted vibrantly coloured visuals, Nippon is represented like a true living painting. Set in feudal Japan, the wolf-God Amaterasu is controlled by the player as they systematically banish the evil from the lands. Demons, ghosts and other supernatural spirits inhabit the land, turning a once peaceful and fertile Nippon into a blackened, arid realm. Using brush techniques handed down to him by thirteen deities give Ammy the power and skill to expel these parasitic vermin, (Wii users can control their brush with motion-control). Although the game sets little focus on any religious practices themselves (thankfully), the player brushes up against these demigods, each with their own jurisdiction over Nippon, calligraphy technique and divine powers. This is a reference to the Japanese practice of Shintoism, which believes that everything contains a spiritual essence, or "Kami".

  
  

  

  *Trivia*: Okami was intended to be a game with realistic graphics, but due to the Playstation 2's notoriously complex architecture and graphical limitations, the cel-shaded or "sumi-e" presentation was reverted to.

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  #2: Assassin's Creed (PS3)

  They don't get much more main-stream than this game. Developed by Ubisoft Montreal, this game promises an awful lot. We're given massive, open worlds with intricate detail populated with twelfth-century peasants, thieves, scholars, assassins, soldiers, guards and royalty. The Holy Land is your Liberty City; an alertness-level meter is your Wanted Level; a compass your radar, and Altaïr is your Niko. But, this clumsy parallel to GTA IV can only be carried so far, for Assassin's Creed is less about destructive sociopathic behaviour, and more about adherence to a (loose? questionable?) moral code - the creed of the title. Altaïr must re-establish himself among the assassin brotherhood by undertaking specific killings - he's the twelfth century's hit man. And for religion, is there much to say there? Well the timeline of the game is smack bang in the middle of The Crusades (you know, those religious-motivated military campaigns?). But the main influence on the game is in its setting: we see real life cities like Damascus and Jerusalem with its historical conflict and tension. The religious/political landscape is as complex and varied as the brilliantly crafted level-design players must navigate.

  
  

  

  *Trivia*: The nine targets for assassination in the game are based on true historical figures, many of whom did actually disappear suddenly.

  ---

  
  #1: Xenogears (PS)
  

  Sadly, this title was never released in PAL regions, but this incredibly unique RPG title references some of the greatest minds in psychology and philosophy: Freud, Jung and Nietzsche are all further immortalised in this game. Add to this mix some combat robots or "Gears" as they are called, and you surely have a remarkable list of ingredients as well as revered PSX landmark. So what religious content does this game contain? Amazingly, Biblical teachings are a major influence on the thematic content: you can't get more obvious than a looming Tower of Babel, a character (Fei) as a descendant of Abel, another character named Cain, and a God called "Deus". But beyond these mere keywords, there is a further jab at established religion - unfortunately this is reserved for those who reach end-game! Still not convinced? Well, the three wise men in Xenogears are Gaspar, Balthasar, and Melchior. These are the exact names of the three mages who visited Jesus in Bethlehem!

  
  

  

  *Trivia*: An Information House early in the game features a cameo from another SquareEnix game: Lucca from Chrono Trigger!

  ---

  • Posted Jul 24, 2009 9:02 pm PT
  • Category: Editorial
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